She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
