at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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