The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
