The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
