I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
