I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
