Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
