he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
