that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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