I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
How naked do you want me to be?
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