After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
