Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
