His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
