just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
