Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
