Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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