Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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