When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
