Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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