Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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