im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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