it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
