Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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