I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
