absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
