just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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