Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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