Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
