hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
