He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
