I think I won the penis lottery.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
