I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
