oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Someone shattered a urinal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
