my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize