saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
