I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
