I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
