I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
