i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
