Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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