so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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