man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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