Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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