I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Randomize
