I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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