You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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