Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
