I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
