do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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