that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
