how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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