I wannas sexs uuuuu
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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