I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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