Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize