We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
