I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
