So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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