Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize