i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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