if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
