There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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