dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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