In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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