I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
