On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Acid is not a monday night drug
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
