Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
