she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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