you would pick up someone in the library
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
