goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
