Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
