He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
