my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
