i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
