Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i think my mom watched the whole time
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
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I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
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I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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