my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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