sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize