A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
