my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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