the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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