i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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