just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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