Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
