im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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