You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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